One of our Elders, Greg Quinn sent me this today…
A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a
sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the
reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. Check out the
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a
bike and asked for forgiveness.
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.
Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.
If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse always gets the
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a workstation.
I didn’t say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but
always check when you say the paint is wet?
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a
bald head and a beer gut and still think they are sexy.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You definitely need a parachute to
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a
great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department
usually uses water.
You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the
Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you
are in it.