There is always a tension between relying on God to do and work and what we should do.
There is a tension between the things that God will do on his own and those things he expects us to do because he has equipped us to do them. The tension is deciding which things we are supposed to leave totally to God and which ones are not being realized because he is expecting us to accomplish the task.
There are things that I think I am supposed to do. I receive a vision from God and hit the road doing what I can to work toward what he has given me to do. I make plans, come up with people and things that are needed to accomplish the mission. I move, pray and move some more. Even in this there are some things that I’ve set my mind on that God has never had in his mind to do or supply in that way. This is seen clearly as he takes those things from me and leaves me wondering what he is up to.
Then there are things that I choose not to do because I felt like he was going to work things out and I would have little to do with that. Then as time passes he asks me (in many different ways) why I haven’t done anything yet and pushes me to get more involved with what I have neglected by leaving it to him to do. Or he removes things to make it abundantly clear I should have been on the job days ago.
Sometimes, I sit back and wonder if I’m even capable of following and working for God. There are so many things I miss and they weigh heavy on me. Then even in the things I feel like I get right, I wonder if those things are really right. What if I have deceived myself into thinking I have made progress when in fact all I’ve done is spin my wheels?
So with all this in my mind I rest in a few thoughts…
God knows me and knows what I am going to do and what I’m not going to do and what he needs to remind me to do.
God knows my heart and my desire to follow him. He will not leave me nor forsake me because of that. He is also not angry with me when I pursue the wrong things in an attempt to serve him the best I can. He just adjusts my direction and though it is painful when he does, he does it to accomplish the desire of my heart…
and that is to please him.