Letter 26

Dating/courtship then marriage.

This seems to be the thing that the forces of darkness attack universally around the world.

Sometimes, it’s when one of the people in the marriage just decides to leave, for whatever reason they just up and leave. They have found someone else maybe, or just would rather have a different lifestyle than mother/father – wife/husband. One that they feel is more free and more fulfilling. All are symptoms of their continual dependance on romantic love as their guide. Which is a lie the enemy has sold to them.

Romantic love has its place in a relationship but it is never what holds a relationship together. Romantic love is temperamental, it comes and goes. It allows people to ignore issues both major and small. It makes one sacrifice things in order to keep it alive. Sacrifices such as reality, true acceptance of the other person, focus on the one we have married – their needs their desires which are sometimes very inconvenient. A couples dependance on romantic love during their dating time shows once they are married and it begins to wain. This is the type of love that makes people say “I’ve fallen out of love” or “I don’t love you anymore.” Statements that have puzzled me for years but are understandable in the context of the temporary fun filling nature of romantic love.

It is love that is based on charity that holds a marriage together. A love that puts the other person first regardless of romance. Love that exercises the wisdom of which wrongs to work out and the others that just need to be covered by it and left alone. Love that has moments of feeling it but also understands that being upset is just another sign you care for that person you are upset at. You don’t fall out of this love, you know it’s there because you have made a commitment to keep it. It is the same love that Christ gave to the church, to everyone who has believed on His name. A love where Christ loved us while we were sinners, while we were breaking His heart so He gave even more of Himself to us by dying on the cross. He did that for our benefit not His.

See.. the difference between unselfishness and charity is unselfishness gives up something it wants, while charity gives to the person what they want and this giving isn’t seen as giving something up (on the part of the giver) because its fulfillment is found in the gift given and is never seen as a loss taken for the team.

So…

  1. Be alert – watch out – your marriage has been targeted by the dark forces whose leader is the Devil. They are all schemers and liars and are masters at weaving that into your relationships.
  2. Commit to love the person you married. Recognize that romantic love is part of that relationship but is never present all the time. Romantic love is tied in to the experience of marriage but isn’t what solves problems or keeps it together. (and just to be clear I’m not referring to sex here)
  3. Work to uncover the satisfaction in doing things for the person you married. Not things that you are giving up for them, but things you are doing for them.
  4. Stay rooted in reality, there will be bad days but stay faithful to the love you committed to and allow that and Jesus be your guide through the storm.

That said, I do realize that sometimes one person just decides not to work things out. If this is your current situation I want you to know that what you do in that situation is not covered in this post. But I would recommend much prayer and God will show you how to navigate the unfortunate circumstance you are now facing. Just because the devil has one of you deceived doesn’t mean he has to have both of you.

Grace and Peace…

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